Sick of the Apps? 3 Tips for Better Dating (2024)

Swiping, scrolling, chatting. Another meetup at another bar. Another person asks about your hobbies, your musical taste, your siblings, and where you’re from.

It’s enough to make anyone snore, even if you’re sipping a triple espresso as you look at that stranger across the table.

Dating can be hard. Boring. Repetitive. Exhausting. You can start to lose hope after experiencing one sub-par date after another; the evenings start to blur together into a fuzzy amalgamation of disappointments.

Modern dating isn’t always fun or easy, but if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s a necessary step to getting closer to the life you want. Spending time with potential partners shouldn’t feel like work, it should feel like play. With some new habits, practices, and mindset shifts, you can transform your dating life into something that you actually look forward to, rather than dread. Here are three tips for better dating.

1: Set Your Intentions

The first key to curing dating burnout is to think about your why. Why are you going on dates? Why are you looking for a partner? Is it to have a companion to enjoy adventures with, to have a cuddle buddy, to have someone to laugh with, to give your life more meaning?

Once you understand more about how your goal of finding a partner will enrich your life, you will have a clearer understanding of what you are looking for. Set your intention to find someone with the qualities that align with your values and unique needs.

Not every person you go out with will be a perfect match. Set an intention before the date to be present. This means, try not to stress out about the outcome; just enjoy yourself. If nothing else, you have practiced your conversation skills and learned something more about what it is to be human by learning about yet another person.

You might try creating a ritual before every date in which you write down three intentions on a post-it or small piece of paper—for example, to be present, to have fun, to relax, to be yourself, to practice dating, to learn something new about yourself or others. Remind yourself that with every dud, you are learning more about yourself and others.

2: Mix It Up

It can be easy to fall into a rut where you end up doing the easy thing—wearing your go-to date outfit, going to the same place for drinks, talking about the same things. Mix it up by wearing a different outfit, trying out a new hairdo, and doing a different activity. Instead of heading to the same old joint, try out one of these ideas to make dating fun again:

• go for a walk or bike ride
• go kayaking or swimming
• check out a new museum
• go bowling, axe-throwing, or laser-tagging
• check out a pretty view with a bottle of wine or have a picnic
• play miniature golf or a round of golf
• take a cooking class
• see a concert
• check out a farmer's market or go berry-picking
• paint pictures together
• play a board game
• take a swing or salsa dancing class
• get creative, so think of things that bring you joy and make you smile.

3: Ditch the Interview

Interviews are not fun. And definitely not sexy. There is a better way to date than sitting across the table asking and answering questions about your job and your favorite food. Talk about things outside yourselves. Bring the conversation to something interesting you are learning about or an interesting topic you wonder whether your date might know about.

Think philosophy, science, pop culture, anything outside the box of “What’s your favorite color?” You can even ask your date for advice on how to explain to your boss that you want a raise. You’ll likely find yourself much more invigorated by the conversation, and with an even better understanding of your date if you ditch the interview and talk about things that are larger than yourselves.

Here’s a list of potential questions you can ask your date to get a more enlivening conversation off the ground:

• What’s your take on _____ current event?
• What’s something interesting that you learned this week?
• What was your favorite class you’ve ever taken and why?
• What branch of philosophy do you connect most with?
• What scientific theory or finding resonates most with you?
• I’m having ____ issue in my life. What do you think could be a good way to approach it?
• I had this _____ experience yesterday. What do you think about that?

Don’t focus on impressing your date or on assessing how well they check your boxes but rather on how you feel being with them and how your values in life align. Just be yourself, relax, and have some fun.

If you end up liking this person or they end up liking you, that is just a nice byproduct of an enjoyable evening spent with presence, new experiences, and engaging conversation. Now get out there, swipe, scroll, chat, and enjoy yourself.