Everything to Know About Abandonment in Marriage (2024)

All marriages—even the strongest ones—go through rough patches. While some couples decide to work together to overcome whatever obstacle they’re facing, others may choose to file for divorce, especially if the damage is irreparable. But in some specific cases, partnerships may come to an end solely on one spouse’s terms, without the other’s knowledge or desire.

If your spouse takes off for no reason and has zero intention of returning, or if they stop supporting you financially or emotionally, you may be a victim of marital abandonment. Having your life partner desert you without providing any warning can be a traumatic experience, resulting in shattered trust, low self-esteem, and feelings of anger and grief. Left to fend for yourself, without the presence of your spouse, you’re probably in a vulnerable, confused state. If you’re dealing with abandonment in your marriage, this painful situation may be the grounds for splitting from your partner.

Since there are various forms of marital abandonment and different criteria that you’ll need to meet in states that recognize fault-based divorces, you may be left with a lot of unanswered questions. To help make this process as seamless as possible, we talked to the founder of Southern California law firm Yang Law Offices to get the rundown on this legal term and how to go about the divorce process. Read on for everything to know about abandonment in marriage.

What Is Abandonment in Marriage?

Abandonment in marriage, also known as desertion, is a legal term that describes a situation in which one of the following applies:

• A spouse leaves the marital home without a justifiable reason or the other’s consent, otherwise known as actual abandonment.
• A spouse is still physically present but withdraws support, either emotionally, financially, or sexually, from the relationship.

The Key Characteristics of Abandonment in Marriage

If you’re still confused about whether your experience classifies as marital abandonment, we’re breaking down each aspect of the definition below.

It’s an intentional decision.

In order for marital abandonment to exist, your partner’s decision must be voluntary and intentional, according to Yang. Your spouse must personally choose and intend to leave the marital home or end emotional, financial, or sexual involvement.

There’s no validity to the departure or withdrawal.

Another important aspect of the definition? There must be an inadequate reason for their absence. If the individual is experiencing any form of abuse, leaving is valid and therefore not considered abandonment.

The absence must last a certain amount of time.

Yang notes that there are also stipulations about the length of the absence in order to qualify as abandonment legally. Since the amount of time depends on the jurisdiction, the duration can range from one to five years. If your significant other leaves after an argument but returns a few days later or withholds sex for a week, abandonment in marriage wouldn’t apply.

The other spouse doesn’t agree to the other’s leave.

With this marital situation, you can’t have any knowledge of your spouse’s decision to physically, emotionally, financially, or sexually flee. It’s a complete shock, lacking any warning or communication.

The spouse doesn’t support the other during their absence.

For abandonment in marriage to exist, your spouse must not honor any relational or familial obligations. So, if your partner moves out but still supports you financially, for instance, the term isn’t applicable.

The Types of Abandonment in Marriage

There are a number of ways in which you might feel abandoned in your marriage, but there are only a few that can be proven in court. We break down some of the subsets of marital abandonment that may lead to divorce.

Criminal Marital Abandonment

This situation must involve one spouse being financially dependent on the other. If the dependent partner becomes ill and their spouse decides to leave because they no longer want to pay for them, it’s an intentional, unjustified decision to leave.

Constructive Marital Abandonment

With constructive marital abandonment, one spouse voluntarily decides to leave the relationship without discussing it with their partner because they feel unsafe, whether it’s due to abuse, cruelty, or another unhealthy circ*mstance. Leaving is necessary for the individual’s safety and wellbeing, so they can claim abandonment, but they must be able to prove the following points, per Yang:

• The spouse’s behavior included abuse, cruelty, or refusal to engage in marital relations.
• The spouse’s behavior made it impossible to continue living together.

How to Prove Abandonment in Marriage in Court

In every state, you can file for a no-fault divorce in court, simply citing “irreconcilable differences” rather than needing to establish a legally acceptable reason, otherwise known as a ground for divorce. Some states, though, still allow the option of filing for an at-fault divorce, meaning you can hold your partner accountable for the failed marriage. For fault-based divorces, abandonment is a valid ground for ending your marriage, but you’ll need to prove the following (through documentation and testimonials), according to Yang:

• Duration: The spouse must be absent for a certain period of time. For no-fault divorce states, you don't have to prove this point, though.
• Intent: The spouse must intend to permanently leave the marriage.
• Lack of Consent: The spouse’s abandonment must happen without the other’s permission.
• Unjust Cause: The spouse must have left without any valid reason.

How Abandonment in Marriage Affects Divorce Proceedings

If you’re able to prove that your spouse abandoned you, it can influence the court’s decision. Read on for the possible outcomes of an abandonment divorce proceeding.

Spousal Support

Spousal support, also known as alimony, is one outcome that marital abandonment can affect: The court may award you a larger sum of money that your former spouse has to pay you in order to maintain your lifestyle, or they might need to financially cover the period in which you were abandoned. In order for this to happen, Yang says the court takes various factors into account, such as the length of your marriage, your standard of living, and both parties’ financial means.

Child Custody

If you and your partner have kids together, abandonment can significantly alter the court’s decision regarding custody. “The court generally prioritizes the child's best interests, and a parent who has abandoned their family is likely to receive less favorable custody arrangements,” Yang says. Because the court views the abandoner as an unreliable guardian, they may have limited custody and visitation rights and might have a larger obligation to financially support the kids, Yang notes.

Property Division

For property division, some states follow equitable distribution, which means the division of property between the two spouses is fair but not necessarily equal. If you're abandoned, the court takes that into account—seeing it as a sign of a larger commitment to the marriage—and may give you a larger share of the property.

Other states are community property states, which results in an equal split of property. Even in locations with an equal property division, though, Yang explains that proving marital abandonment can still influence how certain assets or debts are divided—especially if you, the abandoned spouse, experienced financial hardship due to the desertion.